So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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