You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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