I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
