what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
