alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
