Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
