The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There r osticjed everywhere
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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