I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Randomize
