Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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