there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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