Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
