She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
