I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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