He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
