Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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