i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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