I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
from now on my penis is your penis
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
