so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
