We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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