my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
