She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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