just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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