I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
