ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
