Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
