An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
