You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
