i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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