so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
