So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
