Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
