Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
