is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
a search helicopter?!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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