Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
