Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
