i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
