She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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