I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
