Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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