well you can't waste a boner
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
