complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
