I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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