We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He? As in you personified your dick?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
