Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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