So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
