who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
