I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
