i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
