If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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