that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
